Category Archives: Daily Rant

Attack of the Killer Bugs

I have never really considered myself to be a girly girl but I just proved myself worthy of some big girl panties.

But let me start at the beginning.

Last night I decided it was time for a long overdue drink with a good friend at her home. It was a beautiful evening so we sat chatting on her patio, finished a glass (read bottle) or two of wine and debated on the best way to redesign her little garden. Everything was going well until we were attacked. That’s right, ATTACKED! Attacked in her garden by the biggest bug from hell!

Of course we screamed, ran inside the house slamming the glass door behind us which proved to be an effective way of keeping out the beast.

Now if you are wondering what the devil’s bugs look like, I have very kindly provided an image.

The ugliest bug in the world, this one is about 8cm long.

Needless to say, my beloved friend is currently single and kindly pointed out to me that she needs to deal with issues like regularly without the assistance of a man (I happily choose to utilise my hubby as often as possible to discard beasties and other creepy crawlies) and armed herself with a very large, heavy brick.

Last night my beloved friend saved us from 3 monsters, showed limited fear and can now hold her brick high to show the world she can do anything.

That was just the first half of the story.

This evening, in fact only about ten minutes ago, I proved myself worthy of my very own brick when I discovered a beastie roaming free on my living room carpet. Now, this creepy crawly wasn’t quite up to the standard of last night’s horror but it was red, long and had plenty of legs.

I tackled this one alone!!!

This wasn’t the first time I had encountered these sneaky little buggers, in fact my cats do enjoy bringing them in to show them off. But it was the first time I was alone at home without the safety of getting ole’ hubby to peacefully relocate the thing so I sucked it up, armed myself with the heart covered Valentine’s paper bag that was still lying next to the couch and guided IT to its release.

What I didn’t realise was how hard the bastard was and as soon as I turn the bag upright and it hit the paper bottom, the scratching started and the entire bag vibrated. Well I am not sure why my security company didn’t arrive guns a-blazing with the scream I let out, but once I had composed myself, I realised that the bloody thing was still in the bag in the middle of my living room!

Anyhoo, the bag is now lying in the middle of the front garden and the beast has been release back into the wild.

Yay me!

(For anyone who is keen on a little more info on the 1st monster beast, you may enjoy this blog, too.)

As an aside, I have a little white and ginger cat for sale. CHEAP! She just brought in the bloody red bug with the hundred legs…

 

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strawberrytwist via Blackberry

So we have been pretty swamped lately here at strawberrytwist and have abandoned our happy little blog over the past week.

But there has been a new revelation; wordpress for Blackberry (que evil laughter). Now you will be overwhelmed by fascinating titbits, images and rants all from the road!!!

This is our first Blackberry post… God help you all!

xxx

And Sarah Came Galloping Along…

This past weekend there was absolutely nothing on the telly. So I took the opportunity to catch up on some of the movies and TV

I mean, really?!

shows that I hadn’t had time to watch before and were clogging up my hard drive.

My mistake began at around 10am on Saturday morning when I pressed “Play” on Did You Hear About the Morgans? and spent the next 45 mins trying to give Hugh Grant a chance to redeem himself opposite Sarah Jessica Parker.

Forget the poorly written script and the actors’ obvious need for a “money gig”, the worst part for me was attempting to watch Sarah Jessica Parker on screen without screaming “SHUT UP, STOP WINGING AND LEARN TO ACT YOU STUPID BITCH!”. I turned the movie off just before an hour in because I just couldn’t bear it anymore. Now I will never know if they indeed caught the bad guy and survived the 90-odd minutes.

Hear are my reasons: She is not only a bad actress, but she is too skinny, funny-looking and dresses like she tries too hard. STOP IT, SJP, just stop it!

I will, in future, resist the urge to watch anything with old horse-face because she really and truly is painful unless it is a film where her character dies early on in the film never to return (a bit like Steven Seagal’s role in Air Force One).

For anyone who agrees with me, you may enjoy this website I found dedicated to Sarah. sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse

Knocked Up

Yup that’s right, here at strawberrytwist our numbers are growing by one. We will keep you posted with all the updates and a week-by-week account of the little bean.

Please feel free to share your stories as our new mummy is a little bit clueless and will take all the advice she can get.

 

Cycling for Dummies

Just when I finally got comfortable on my mountain bike, my other half decided that it was about time to get my ass on a road bike. GREAT IDEA! That was until I actually tried to ride the bloody thing.

It must have been a man who designed the female road bike and a pissed off man at that. There I was with my arse in the air, my face facing the ground and the stupid saddle digging in to my girly bits when I released that I wasn’t quite made to fit a bike. My belly is too big and my boobs too top heavy. Ironically, I had the perfect shape to justify exercise and diet but the worst shape to actually use the exercise equipment to make me skinny enough not to exercise.

So I came home and had some chocolate.

I will try again tomorrow.

Xin Nian Kuai Le

 

Happy New Year and Welcome to the Year of the Dragon!

Welcome

 

So this is the very first strawberrytwist post.

Welcome and thanks for visiting.

We are a collection of eccentrics who find the strange in the world. The things that make you go “huh?”

We will endevour to bring you the latest rants and rambles from our twisted minds. We will share interesting links, videos and images that have stirred a little something in us.

Enjoy the ride, we do.

x

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